Back in the late 80s (probably around 1986-87 or so), in the wake of a divorce and out of boredom Bruce had started writing a story about an English Landlord situated in northern Scotland. This was on the Somewhere in time-tour when Bruce spent sleepless night penning down the story about the twenty-fifth Laird of Findidnann, Lord Iffy Boatrace.
Iffy's problem in both books is money, or rather the lack of them, and the books follow him through the quest for wealth and his personal sexdebut.
When the first book, The adventures of Lord Iffy Boatrace sold out almost immediately the publisher asked Bruce to write a sequel. He accepted and the second book The Missionarry position was published in 1992.
Sometime in the late Eighties Bruce was maling plans for and writing a rock opera (!) based on the life of Pagannini, the Italian violin virtuoso. It was allegedly even under consideration by a major American film company! Bruce has the copyrighted abstract for the plot but it's level of completion is not known. It might be that the idea was binned by Bruce himself in favour for The chemical wedding movie that he was putting together in the early 90s and which subsequently was taken into consideration by Messiah Pictures in 2001. Nothing has yet come out of it, though.
Bruce has said he would have liked to be in the movie but only as a sort of cameo part. To this day the episode of The Paradise club has been the only filmed piece of acting that he has ever done.
The adventures of Lord Iffy Boatrace
(ISBN 0 283 06043 3)
In The adventures of Lord Iffy Boatrace Iffy tries to solve this problem with all year around grouse hunting. But there are hardly any grouse to hunt on Iffy's estate, so he needs to get some built for him. Iffy's neighbour, the retired wing commander, Bill Symes-Groat, helps him by introducing him to "a huge plum pudding with a cherry on top". This isn't of course just an ordinary plum pudding but a very very special and very very secret agent. He agrees to build Iffy some indestructible grouse.
Next move is to invite some people from Iffy's old boarding school under the false pretense of a school reunion. The guests arrive and then some bizarre stuff starts to happen.
The book was written during the "Somewhere on tour 86/87" and was
published by Sidgwick & Jackson in May 1990 and is (was, it's now
deleted) available in a hard-back format and two differently sized
paperback formats. It has sold about 30 000 copies to this date.
Bruce's second novel, The missionary position begins with the
battle of Hastings 1066. After the battle comes the old couple Minnie
and Harold Hill who are on their way to LA. Unfortunately the run
into Iffy who manages to steal all their money and flight tickets.
You see, Iffy and his butler, ex-con John Butler is also on their
way to LA. Accompanying them is a person with a black plastic bag
over his head and body plus the corpse of the twenty-third Laird of
Findidnann.
Iffy, as always low on cash, is on his way to LA to become a TV
evangelist and yet another adventure unfolds. Those of you familiar
with Iron Maiden might recognise the name Jimmy Reptile who in this
book has the role of the biggest TV evangelist in the US. Other
characters are Senator Standing Johns, who should wear dypers but
don't, Tsunami Hoochichoochi, a Japanese business man who's planning
to play golf all over the USA, rock manager Casper Waldo who spends
his days in an earthquake proof armour plated Jacuzzi (he lives in
LA after all), Oral Slither, the Garbo of garbage, the female
Fellini of fellatio, famous for the film Oral does the ice
box. Mr Hand of fate also makes a special guest appearance, plus
many more.
The missionary position was published by Sidgwick & Jackson in 1992.
"The Adventures of Lord Iffy Boatrace" (left) is called
"Lord iffy und die Sex-Maschine" (Lord Iffy and the sexmachine)
and "The Missionary Position" (right) has the confusing title
"Lord Iffy und die Spitzen der Gesellschaft"
(Lord Iffy and the points of the society?).
Both books were published by Bastei Luebbe and the ISBN number
for the latter one is: ISBN 3-404-13792-2
In the late Eighties Bruce was planning a rock opera (!) based
on the life of the Italian violin virtuoso Paganini. It was under
consideration by a major American film company and Bruce has a
copyrighted abstract for the plot and he even had some song titles.
This is what Bruce has to say about his fascination in Paganini:
"Paganini was an ugly bastard. Bony, beaky nosed, hunched back,
weird looking guy going bald. He hated his father all his life who
pushed him into music. Adored his mother. Had illegitimate children,
had affairs with royalty, was reviled by the church but loved by the
people. In the middle of a concerto he would start making bird
noises just like rock guitarists mess around now. After he died his
body was dug up and moved seven times because people thought his
fingers were possessed by the Devil. He's a fascinating character
and I've written a synopsis that will result in a film that's a
cross between 'Tommy' and 'Amadeus'. The problems of artists are
universal and everlasting. The conflicts he had to resolve, the
temptations he had to fight, are all relevant today. I want to
produce a rock opera that would tell the story of his life. His
live performances were legendary but of course no one will ever
know what they were like because it was before the age of
recording. Apparently he had enormously large hands like Jimi
Hendrix, which is why he could do so much on violin and he was
a keen guitarist as well. He used his own unique system of
fingering and improvised all the time. He broke strings during
a performance once and improvised a violin concerto for one
string. On stage he dressed all in black, a bit like Ritchie
Blackmore. He was an explosive Italian and would never play
one note when fifty million would do!"
Bruce would have liked to be in the movie himself, but not as any
major character. His interest in acting go back to his school days
when he used to be part of the school theatre doing a couple of
plays a year.
The Missionary Position
(ISBN 0-283-06092-1)
German editions of Bruce's two novels
Some really startling trivia on Bruce's books is that they have
actually been translated and published in Germany in 1996!
"The Chemical Wedding" movie script
On the September 28 2001 a launch party was held for Messiah
Pictures, Monty Python member Terry Jones' new movie production
company. At this event the company's first project was made official
which was to film Bruce Dickinson's script for "The Chemical Wedding".
The movie, co-written with Julian Doyle (who directed the videos for
"The Tower" and "Killing floor") is based on the life of Alister
Crowley, is to be directed by Doyle.
There are currently no facts on when the movie is to go into production but it has a budget of £3.5 million. According to Bruce "Man of Sorrows" is likely to be used in the movie as the song was originally written for the movie in 1992. It is also said that Iron Maiden will contribute to the soundtrack but no facts are given as to whether it means old songs or new exclusive material. Bruce will not be in the movie himself but he may well be doing a cameo.
However, the project has still not left the stage of fishing for financers.
The Who's vocalist Roger Daltrey and A Clockwork
Orange-star Malcolm McDowell were rumoured to be heading the
cast, but such issues are far from settled at this moment.
In May 2002 a confusing note on the status of the"Chemical Wedding" movie was made in an interview with Roger Daltrey in the London Daily Mail. This info is however incorrect. The movie is still in the planning stage and it apparently won't be happening in the foreseeable future.